you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
