The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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