you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
