Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
