this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
