I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
