you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
