ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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