and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
