I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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