I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
