I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
