Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
