tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
