I looked at my own cervix.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
