took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
