I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
