i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
