Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
