how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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