i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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