it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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