i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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