i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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