yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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