Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
