He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
