No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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