wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
