You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
