You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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