you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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