everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if only i could text you this smell
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
