Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?