My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
