WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
