I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
