just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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