me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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