I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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