onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
