rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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