I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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