Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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