maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know her cup size but not her name....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
