its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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