Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
