my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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