and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
