VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's shark week go big or go home
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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