whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
