All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
