I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize