alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
