you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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