so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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