Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
