i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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