The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
