If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
