You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
