Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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