No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
