I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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