I wannas sexs uuuuu
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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