When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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