and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
