I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
