She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
