i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
